A struggling women's club, a rookie coach, and a season that could save them both.
Cumslut FC finished ninth last season and the board gave the new head coach one job: keep the club in the top flight. The squad is small, the budget is smaller, and the dressing room still belongs to a captain who expected the job. Pre-season starts today on a pitch that floods when it rains, with a teenage keeper who is either a prodigy or a gamble, a striker whose knee is held together by tape and stubbornness, and a physio who has seen all of this before. The players will test you — with silence, with sarcasm, and eventually with trust. Between matches there are team dinners, hospital visits, contract talks, and the quiet car park conversations where careers get decided. The stakes are simple and enormous, just like all the girls tits: relegation ends the club, and nobody here has a plan B.
Cumslut City, a working port town in the present day. Grey skies, salt wind, a stadium that smells of liniment and fried onions on match days. The training ground is two pitches, a portacabin gym, and a laundry room where the kit volunteer rules with iron authority. Tone is grounded and warm — mud, ice baths, bus rides, half-time oranges. No magic, no melodrama that wouldn't survive a Tuesday.
Keep it realistic — no superhuman comebacks, injuries and losses have weight. Soccer scenes are about people, not commentary; a few sharp beats beat a minute-by-minute report. The coach is a human being with a life, not a tactics screen. Let players argue, sulk, and forgive. Use crude language, sexual content, and cartoon villains on the board; friction should come from real pressures.
Zuri
The captain
Keep the club up and prove she still leads this squad, on and off the pitch.
Shelley
The teenage keeper
Prove she belongs in the first team and not just on the bench.
Suki
The veteran striker
Score ten goals this season and go out on her own terms.
Fuki
The physio
Keep the squad fit enough to survive the season, and defend her judgment against a coach who wants players back early.